Waiting for a trauma

It's 0153 and I'm just sitting here in the office (which is freezing cold at this hour) bored and trying not to fall asleep. If I fall asleep now I'll never be able to drive home with the full confidence that I'd actually make it without winding up a patient here myself.

I'm on call in the ER tonight at a major medical center in L.A. I work per diem because I'm a masochist and because I really love medical social work, especially trauma medicine. It's almost like being a doctor without having any education, responsibility or the requirement to actually touch the patients and their blood.

On Thursdays my shift starts at 9pm (2100 hrs) and I got paged at 10:30. In other words, it was setting up to be a long night and it hadn't even started yet. I don't get off until 7am tomorrow morning, and a lot can happen between 2230 and 0700. And sure as I say "stat" I'll drive home after handling the first one and get paged 15 min after getting there only to have to drive back. Especially on Thursday nights when there's usually always 2 or 3 traumas -- usually always alcohol or drug related -- that come in between 2am-3am because the bars have closed and people are idiots and drive drunk.

So at 2230 I get called in. I rarely ever know ahead of time what I'm going to get. This time it's a dude who is (surprise!) drunk, and probably stoned as well, who managed to climb a 20 ft fence (for unknown reasons) and fall off.

Needless to say, he took a header (into some bleachers) and required emergency treatment. Turns out he's totally AMS (Altered Mental Status) because of the alcohol, not the fall, and doesn't have a clue as to why he was climbing a fence and can't form a sentence to tell me anything about himself.

He apparently told the paramedics that he was trying to escape a pack of dogs that was chasing him. However, no dogs were at the scene. Or near the scene. Thus my expert dx that he's been partying tonight using who knows what.

Anyway, my enlightening 15 min of perseverative questioning resulted in absolutely zero info so my clinical assessment reads "pt is unable to verbalize coherent statements and is oriented only to name and situation." Ho hum.

And yet, I get paid approximately $30/hr to do this!

Oh, and the dude is totally fine. No head injury. No nada. When they're drunk they kinda just roll with it and walk away from stuff without a scratch. I doubt the bleachers or the fence fared so well.

Now I'm blogging because I am trying to stay awake at least until 3am when I can hopefully drive home without fear of getting paged again. Waiting for a trauma is always exciting.

And yet, I get paid approximately $30/hr to do this!

I knew there was a reason I suffered through MSW school.